Where’s My Ray Of Light?
You know, the cumulative pressures of the last week or so are really weighing me down. Harshing my Zen. Bumming me out. *sigh*
I think the biggest problem is that a couple of events have left me with the realization that a significant number of the people I’ve been counting as friends really only care about me when I’m useful to them. I’m sure all of you know people like this right? You hardly hear from them and then when they finally get in touch with you, after a few hollow platitudes they’re diving into what they need from you to bail them out of their current dilemma. It’d be all right if it were just one or two people but I’m starting to think they’re the rule, not the exception. At least in my life.
It sucks… it sucks because it causes me to start thinking that most people only like me because I fill some need they have and really don’t like me for, well… me. Then I question the motives of the people around me, even when they might be innocent. Finally I just start pulling back into my shell because it’s all too much to deal with.
Maybe it’s easier just being alone…
I Don’t Need Anymore Friends by Collective Soul
I’m out of my head
And it’s not the way that I wanted to feel
This loneliness and dread gets your attention, makes us real
I’m going nowhere and it’s slowly sinking in
Chorus:
I don’t stand a chance
Until you get me out of here
I just don’t have the will to pretend
I’m running for the door
Can you get me out of here?
I really don’t need anymore friends
Well turning it on
It’s getting harder and harder to do
Well don’t get me wrong
That’s dedication, good for you
It’s just your atmosphere that brings me to my knees
Chorus
Not anymore
No not anymore
Don’t take it bad
Don’t look so sad
If I turn around and walk away
Don’t take it hard
I’ll try to play that part
But I’m having such a bad day
And I’m not much fun anyway
Chorus
Not anymore
No not anymore
I can relate…
M~
Know exactly what you mean. Buy a pickup truck and you will be amazed how many friends you suddenly have.
I’m so sorry Mike! I do know how that feels and once upon a time (several years ago) I was in exactly that same boat. It sucked. BIG!
I was thinking about you just yesterday actually, wondering how you were. I was playing on FB and hadn’t seen ya round…no fun quizzes, no pirate bombings, no new vids etc adn I thought..hmmmm Mike’s been MIA, wonder what’s up. I should have sent you a message but I get all self conscious about that sort of thing, which is really silly. Why shouldn’t a friend check in on a friend when they think something might be up? I’m going to go bomb you right now and send you a quiz! I always love ones you send me. and meanwhile…
“what’s up?”
Hugs
Stacie
Mike… I can so relate. I honestly think this is part-n-parcel for being a kind and considerate and thoughtful person. All KCT people deal with a certain amount of being taken for granted as “useful.” I’m betting people think of you as “always there for me.”
We had tons of friends like this until we moved from FL. After that, I vowed not to hold the door open for friendships that don’t meet me half way. I refused to hold up the whole friendship. And then I had all this room and time in my life to find and make more balanced friends. Those people are out there. And we draw them to us slowly by repelling the other kind.
My two cents.
You’re def. not alone in that.
~S
P.S.
I likey that song. My mailbox would probably enjoy it also.
~S
I guess the answer to my question is that my “ray of light” is all my blogging friends… thanks all, you lift my spirits on a daily basis!
*queue Bette Midler’s Wind Beneath My Wings*
Yeah, that happens to me too. I’ve often said on my blog that my blog friends know more about me and are closer to me than most people I know in person.
My so called friends are just who they are. They thrive on their own success, are distant when life is treating them well, and come calling when strife has them down. I have internalized feelings of both inadequacy and hurt because it always seems when I need them, they are too busy to be bothered, or something much more important is scheduled at the same time we had scheduled an evening or day out. I have always felt like the ugly stepsister…
But it’s a new day. I am no longer harboring these feelings of inadequacies for their own selfishness.
My fellow bloggers have seen more of the real me, than I allow my own friends to see. I used to think that their opinion mattered so much in what they thought of me, that it clouded the very essence of who I am.
No more! It’s a new day…in a couple of days you’ll see a change in my blog, and I am combining both personal and fluffy blog to make just one. I am breaking open the cocoon guys…
Prepare yourselves.
And for the record…Mike, you are one of the most awesome men I have ever met! You just be who you are and leave the fair weathered friends behind. You have people, even if we are just floating around in cyberspace, that love you…for YOU!
It’s in recent weeks that I’ve really be hit on the head with this thought, too. Then I tell myself I’ll be guarded, learn my lesson. That kind of thing. I won’t, of course, and I suppose that’s ok. Maybe.
Micheal, I’m sorry that your friends haven’t been there for you. It’s a sad truth that so many people are so wrapped up in themselves that they cannot be there for a friend in need.
Leave those friends behind and focus on those that truly appreciate you and all that you are.
We all have friends like that Mike. As one of your regulars above stated , it’s amazing how many friends you have when you own a truck. I have had to cut ties with friends I had from before you and I went to highschool back in Savannah (and before we met again in Goldsboro). It truly sucks getting old and realizing that you might not be such a good judge of character in folks that you used to trust.