Privacy of the Mind

Shephard tagged me with a meme. List five things I never though I’d have or experience back when I was 25. Hmm… 25. I’m not sure I remember the age all that well, I turned 25 in 1991. Well, that was a momentous year in at least one way since my son was born that year. In fact, his birthday is this weekend. Interesting coincidence there! But as to the surprises between now and then, well I guess there have been a few.

First and foremost, I never would have guessed that I’d wind up single again. Probably *should* have predicted it but sometimes I’m given over to being optimistic. The nice thing is I don’t have any bitter feelings about it. I still get along with my ex, my relationship with my kids is great, and I think we’re all happier now. That’s not such a bad result when you think about it.

I didn’t see my love affair with motorcycles being rekindled the way it has been. I learned to ride a motorcycle before I could drive a car. I had a motorcycle when I met my ex. Didn’t own one or ride much while we were married because she didn’t like them. That should have been a red flag! I bought one a few years back almost on a whim. A friend bought one and suggested I do the same. I thought, “Why didn’t I think of that?” I guess most middle-aged guys tend to go the Harley route and putter around town but I prefer long distance, high-speed travel. I don’t really care much about the clique-ish aspect of motorcycling, it’s the adventure I enjoy.

One of my biggest regrets, though it sounds a little silly, had always been that I never had a chance to see one of my favorite bands in concert… The Police. I listened to all of their music. Had all their albums. I was crushed when they broke up in the 80s. I was elated when they decided to reunite and tour in 2007. I can’t describe the anticipation I felt leading up to the day that tickets went on sale for their Seattle concert. I spent way more than I can even contemplate on those tickets. But I don’t regret it one bit, it was the experience of a life time and one I thought would never come around again. How can you pass up something like that?

I don’t know about you, but I can tell you that I didn’t spend much time contemplating my mortality when I was 25. Oddly enough, the motorcycle changed that too when a relatively minor accident in 2005 left me hospitalized with a crushed right ankle. That was fortunate really. While I was in the hospital I suffered something called a “saddle embolism” where a large blood clot blocked the flow of blood to both of my lungs. Untreated, the mortality rate is pretty high. If this is going to happen, a hospital is pretty much the place you want to pick to experience it. In hindsight, it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me. Something like this gives you a perspective on life. I still have my struggles, but when things get too bad reflecting back on this helps ground me.

And what may be the most surprising thing of all, I never would have guessed at 25 that life could grow sweeter as you age. It seems like society tries to tell us that youth is something we should fight for, that aging is bad and that the best times in our life are going to slip through our fingers with regret. I don’t buy it. I wouldn’t go back if you paid me. I’m older, I’m slower, my health isn’t what it once was but if I’m honest with myself, I have to say that life is generally pretty good. There’s always something to look forward to. And when I look back, it’s not with regret but to reflect on wisdom hard won or treasure cherished memories. And I guarantee you that I would NEVER have reached that conclusion back in 1991!