Brace For Impact
Want to know a secret? I hate my job. If I wasn’t so good at it and it didn’t pay so well (and I didn’t need the money) I’d be looking for new employment in a heart beat. I normally just tell people I’m a programmer because laypersons understand that term. Technically, I’m a system architect. I don’t really cut code all that often. I design information systems.
A big part of that job is figuring out all the ways a system can fail and making sure there is a plan to handle the most likely outcomes. I’m really good at that. A vivid imagination, native cynicism and tendancy towards pessimism help. Who knew those would be vital career skills?!
The problem is that kind of thinking becomes a habit. And I wind up generating worst case scenarios in my head all the time. Sometimes it’s useful because it helps me prepare for things like road trips. On the other hand, always anticipating the absolute worst things than can happen takes an emotional toll. Especially when so many factors are out of your control. Like… oh say… social situations.
Just a little insight into my head today… sometimes it’s dark and scary in there.
Burn by Alkaline Trio
Know what you mean about getting your head in a rut. I spend my days in a state of readiness for disaster. After a while it becomes a way of life. It gets hard to keep your perspective.
I was just thinking about the whole “work to live vs. live to work” thing. Most of us work to live, and maybe that’s ok.
I once had a job that made me an emotional wreck between the hours of 5 p.m. to 8 a.m., and my time spent actually at work was no better. The job I hold now certainly isn’t mentally taxing, and I wonder how soft that’s made me for whatever I may have to do in the future. But back on point, even when my mind was taxed, even when it’s turned to mush, I have experienced that whole “fatalistic thinking” thing. It seems so much easier to map out worse case scenarios and our reactions (and wow, there can be a lot of those!) then it is to even entertain the idea that even a little effort could be the the root of something good.
It’s tough. There’s no easy answers. I hope, however, you find a glimmer of good down there as you’re working through all facets of your thinking! I think you deserve the social!
I can relate to this post on so many levels, Mike… especially lately…
M~
Like you said though, It’s a good thing your pessimism is actually a desirable trait in your profession… I’m in Marketing and people expect me to be happy all of the frigging time.
Ah yes, social situations. So sticky, so unpredictable. It’s easy to let your mind go to worst case scenario with that. So easy. Maybe because those situations so often do? But really, there are the times when good things end up happening. You just never know when. Sigh.
My head is full of cobwebs and I swear I heard a bat flapping around in there earlier today…
No wonder you have a thing for Zombies… I mean, how worst case scenario can you get?
Good thing you don’t do something “potentially dangerous” like ride a motorcycle. However, you would be prepare for the worst.